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RA Dickey Story

October 17, 2012 By Malissa Leave a Comment

As Major League Baseball’s regular season comes to an end, there is one player’s story that really stands out. Robert Allen “R.A.” Dickey, pitcher for the New York Mets, has a truly inspiring story. After being drafted in 1996 by the Texas Rangers, Dickey bounced from team to team with limited success. In 2010, Dickey joined with New York Mets, and broke out this year as the league’s only true knuckleballer winning 20 games in 2012.

Aside from the perseverance and determination he has shown as a pitcher and ball player, R.A. Dickey has survived much more. During his rise to baseball fame in 2012, Dickey also released his autobiography Wherever I Wind Up: My Quest for Truth, Authenticity and the Perfect Knucleball. In this in-depth, personal book, Dickey delves into his personal life and career.

But R.A. Dickey is more than a baseball player. He is a survivor. In his memoir, Dickey divulges two separate incidents of sexual assault suffered during the summer when he was only 8 years old — the first by a 13 year old female babysitter, and the second by a 17 year old male. Statistically speaking, 1 in 6 boys will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18. Of sexually abused children grades five through twelve, 48% of the boys told no one about the abuse.

In a recent article on ESPN.go.com Dickey explains his hope for the book: “One of the hopes I have for the book, and will have as long as it’s out, is that people will be able to draw something from it that may help them — whether it’s to talk about it more, not to be afraid, to be open with what’s happened, and that there are people available that will love you no matter what. I kind of grew up in a place where I didn’t necessarily feel that.”

To read an excerpt from the book, visit sportsillustrated.cnn.com.

Written by: Alexandra L.

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Vulnerability; Don’t Let It Happen To You!

October 12, 2012 By Malissa Leave a Comment
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"Shattering the Silence of Sexual Violence" - AUGUST 14 - Baton Rouge, LA

There was an article about a man who lured a 17 year old churchgoer into his home by telling her that he could rid her of bad spirits. He told her he could do some sort of witchcraft and rid anything bad. She believed him and went inside. He then raped her and told her that he would put a curse on her if she told anyone. He was arrested and has a 60,000 dollar bail amount.

My point to this article is that this young girl is a victim but we need to understand our own strengths and we need to be accountable for our actions. We cannot make ourselves vulnerable to these predators. However, in no way, shape, or form is this young girl to blame for anything that happened. The truth is, people should be able to dress however they want and do whatever they please and should never feel that they are “asking for it”. We need to be aware of our situations and we need to not be too trusting. I don’t believe that every person is a criminal but negligence is a powerful source for any perpetrator. We as a society need to help our youth understand that people are dangerous and that they need to be aware of their surroundings and to never enter someone’s house alone as this child did. We tell our children to never talk to strangers but where do we draw the line when it comes to trust?

Predators are in every city and could be your neighbor or your neighborhood clerk. Predators look for targets, the key is to be aware of this and do what you can to prevent it. Never enter someone’s house you don’t know alone; and especially if they are telling you something that seems too good to be true. Never walk alone at night, always be aware of your surroundings and let someone know where you are going and when you are expected to come back.

 

From http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/10/black-magic-rape-suspect-arrested/

By Ashten Meadows

Filed Under: Blog, Blog Post

Through the Eyes of a Survivor Named Kendra

September 30, 2012 By Natasha Leave a Comment

Many survivors find it extremely hard to open up about their own rape or sexual assault personal experience and the way that they decide to deal with the situation is different for each person. However, after talking to an amazing sexual assault survivor named Kendra Ely, you (as a reader) can get an exclusive insight to how she felt when she first came forward after approaching RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network) for advice and how they helped her through the healing process. Kendra openly shared about how she felt when she first came forward.

“I was always scared and had lost my sense of security when I first came forward. It was hard for me to do it but RAINN really helped me feel comfortable about doing it and were very supportive to me at the time.” – Kendra

What Kendra was feeling at the time, is a normal part of the healing process for any survivor to go through when coming forward. The possible reason for this; is that sometimes it feels easier for a survivor to stay quiet because it is less painful and a way for them to try and forget it ever happened to them.

“To live as a sexual assault survivor I feel so ashamed. I feel people can see right through me. I feel so dirty.” – Kendra

This is a common type of coping mechanism that many survivors do to protect themselves from not only pain (both emotionally and physically) but an even bigger factor, is also because they are scared. Reasons for being scared are different for each individual survivors but for Kendra, she expressed that when she came forward, she was scared about what it will do to her as a person, how it will affect her life with future intimate relationships, how people will interact with her after finding out, and whether she can trust people especially men at all.

“After a traumatic event, it is typical to have feelings of anxiety, stress, or fear, making it difficult to adjust or cope for some time afterwards. In particular, survivors of sexual violence may experience severe feelings of anxiety, stress, or fear, known as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).” – RAINN

No matter how badly beaten or barely showing any physical damage that is seen after surviving a rape or/and sexual assault encounter, the person attacked is always going to be scared and fearful. As soon as someone has been attacked, they instantly lose their power of control because the predator has automatically taken the control off them. Because of this, some survivors like Kendra start to feel insecure with themselves as a person and constantly put them-selves down in a negative way.

“Because your personal boundaries were invaded when you were young by someone you trusted and depended on, you may have trouble understanding that you have the right to control what happens to you.” – RAINN

By having a great organization like RAINN there for assistance as a helpful support system for survivors like Kendra, they can help get survivors past this negative way of thinking. It is the support that RAINN provides, the encouragement they share, and the hope they give to survivors, that give people like Kendra the hope and strength to overcome negative thoughts and start to move forward to thinking in a positive way.

“In most instances, the survivor never discussed the abuse with others while it was occurring. In fact, many survivors do not remember the abuse until years after it has occurred, and may never be able to clearly recall it. Usually, after being triggered by a memory, this individual learns how, as an adult, to deal with the effects of the abuse. It is important to speak with someone, whether it is a friend or counsellor, about the abuse and past and current feelings.” – RAINN

Once a survivor has their mind set on speaking in a negative way about themselves after being victimized, it is hard to go back to how they were without any help. Unfortunately this happens a lot because it is used as a defence mechanism as a way to prevent themselves (as a survivor) from getting hurt again. To a survivor like Kendra, it seems like the easiest answer and most logical choice because how they feel on the inside is generally what they are showing (physically) on the outside too. Survivors like Kendra do this because they do not feel beautiful but dirty instead as Kendra explained earlier. Just like many other survivors, they try to look less attractive in public to avoid sending out extra physical attention because it is a way of protecting themselves from being violated again. However with the help from an inspirational organization like RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network) they can help teach survivors like Kendra learn how to regain back control of their life and start to feel worthy as a person they truly are.

“It feels like I go through phases. Some days I feel like it’s all I think about and other days I doubt whether or not it even happened. I don’t feel great on the inside most of the time, especially when all I can think about is what happened to me. – Kendra

Whether it has been twenty years or a few days after being victimized, every survivor copes with it in a different way but no matter what way, the one thing that is for certain is that no survivor is at fault for what happened to them and that they are worthy. It is perfectly normal to be scared after being raped or sexually assaulted and whether you come forward straight away or twenty years later, it is never too late to get help. Organizations like RAINN are always going to be there to help and support those survivors who need it so for any reader who needs someone to talk to, please know that you can go to RAINNs online hotline at any time.

Just know: You are never alone, and it is never too late to get the help you need and deserve!

To contact RAINN:

Phone: 1 800 656 HOPE
Hotline: RAINN’s 24 Hour Hotline

Filed Under: Blog, Blog Post, My Story, Uncategorized

Warning: New Date Rape Drug; Easier than Ever!

September 27, 2012 By Amanda 1 Comment

Warning: New Date Rape Drug; Easier than Ever!

This article is set to inform people that there is a new drug on the “market”. This drug is said to be easier to hide and access, and very much cheaper than other known “date rape drugs”. It is an eye drop that’s considered the new form of Rohypnol and it is being used to spike victims’ drinks making them much easier targets.

Police are saying that it isn’t really a problem however many people in the nightclub industry are saying a completely different story. Nightclubs are refusing to let any form of eye drops be brought into their nightclubs. Their advice: don’t accept drinks or ice cubes from strangers. They can even spike the ice cubes if they have an accomplice behind the bar. Never drink communal drinks either. “And if a friend suddenly feels ill at a party, never leave them unattended. The rapist wants to isolate her in the bathroom, where he can rape her and she won’t recall a thing.”

The eye drops are not effective unless put into alcohol, so for any sober drinker there is no way to spike their drink with this. The alcohol acts as a catalyst and the more concentrated the alcohol is the stronger the drug will hit the victim.

Symptoms are dizziness, drowsiness, diarrhea, nausea and amnesia. The effects the next day feel like a person drank ten times what they really did.

Everyone should be aware of their surroundings and no what to look for. Being informed is the first step in protecting yourself.

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“Shattering the Silence of Sexual Violence” – AUGUST 14 – Baton Rouge, LA

July 18, 2012 By Amanda 1 Comment

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"Shattering the Silence of Sexual Violence" - AUGUST 14 - Baton Rouge, LA

“Shattering the Silence of Sexual Violence”AUGUST 14 – Baton Rouge, LA

Click to View the LSP Training Invitation

Please join us for the 2nd Annual “Shattering the Silence of Sexual Violence” training seminar.  Last year we focused on the victims of sexual violence – this year’s program will focus on sex offenders. CLICK HERE:

LSP Training Agenda v2

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September is National Campus Safety Awareness Month!

July 18, 2012 By Amanda 1 Comment
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September is National Campus Safety Awareness Month!

This September, join non-profits Clery Center for Security On Campus and Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment (PAVE) for Safe Campus, Strong Voices, a national initiative focused on bystander intervention and victim empowerment.
This ground-breaking campaign provides tools for both men and women to work together to create a safer campus.
The Safe Campus, Strong Voices campaign package includes:
  • Materials for an interactive art projects
  • A media/social media guide
  • A tool-kit for projects and events during the month of September, including the Safe Campus, Strong Voices: Your Voice campaign which engages students both in person and through social media to be proactive bystanders.
FREE! Click here to sign up!

SCSV Image 2012
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PAVE My Stories: Military Male Survivor Speaks Out – Part One

May 23, 2012 By Natasha 1 Comment

Coming forward about rape or sexual assault is never easy for a survivor to do after it has happened to them, and in most cases that do or we hear of, are generally females. It is not just because males are less likely to be attacked, but for a male survivor to come forward it seems to be proven more difficult. However, thanks to James Landrith who was an active Military duty U.S Marine, he uses his voice to encourage other male survivors to come forward to come forward a give hope to others. James openly expresses how the  organization RAINN (Rape, Abuse. Incest, National Network) helped his journey to healing and how even being a survivor from a few years, can still bring up bad memories. However, by using techniques he has learned through professional advice, he knows how to overcome those feelings.

“I was drugged and raped by a woman who bought me a few drinks. She used blackmail and coercion to ensure my compliance once the effects of the drugged drinks wore off. I was an active duty U.S. Marine and she was a local civilian. Dealing with the aftermath of sexual violence takes on a different form daily. I never know when or if I will be triggered or by what.” – James Landrith

Unfortunately after being sexually victimized like James has been, survivors struggle to live each day without feeling the urge of suppressed feelings and thoughts about what happened to them. To many survivors just like James, this can cause an unexpected panic and stress attack that alarms/triggers the survivor to the feeling of being unsafe.

“I never know when or if I will be triggered or by what. As I type this now, I have been fighting a week long panic attack and I am unsure of its source. Some days, I don’t even think about it and go on about my business unhindered. However, on other days, it is at the front of my mind and I find myself checking for exits in any room I enter or elevator I ride.” – James Landrith

These feelings can raise so much stress on their body both physically and mentally because their mind goes back to when their encounter was/took place and struggle to come back to reality. However, with an organization as helpful as RAINN is to survivors, they are there to teach and provide information on how to prevent and decrease these types of symptoms as they arise.

“Re-Experiencing: This is a repeated reliving of the event, and interferes with daily activity. This category includes flashbacks, frightening thoughts, recurrent memories or dreams, and physical reactions to situations that remind you of the event.” – RAINN

Many people when they are in a public atmosphere or are surrounded by a crowd of people can suffer from both anxiety or panic attacks but to those who have been sexually assaulted or have been raped, the chances are significantly higher. It is sometimes hard to see straight away when you suffer with these (PTSD symptoms) as a survivor but to properly heal and gain back control of your life the support from others is essential. Having support from an organization like RAINN and other survivors like James, can not only help with the healing process but they can also help provide an understanding on what you (as a survivor) are going through and that all the horrible feelings you may be feeling are normal but as times goes by it will get better.

“There are many programs and organizations available to assist survivors. You can find local centers in your phonebook, or go online to RAINN.org and filter down to a local center. Also, many local governments offer crisis services. When a survivor decides to come forward, even if it is DECADES after the abuse, they may be in crisis mode. When I first decided to confront my own experiences, it felt like it had just happened and I was extremely raw. It might as well have just happened. I was clearly in crisis mode and found some via the local county mental health services.” – James Landrith

When you are at the stage of talking to a professional therapist about your sexual assault or rape, you may feel overwhelmed as that is a normal feeling to have, but if you do not feel comfortable with the person you are talking with then find someone you do feel comfortable talk with. It is essential to always feel safe and comfortable when talking to a professional so it is okay to keep looking for the right person but whatever you do, do not give up on yourself because like what James and other survivors discovered, healing is an individual process and everyone heals in different ways with different people, on their own journey.

“One thing to remember is that a survivor owns their healing and they have the right to turn change therapists or counsellors if they do not feel comfortable or validated. Not every survivor/counsellor pairing is going to be successful. This does not make you a failure at healing; it just means you haven’t found the right partner. Keep trying!” – James Landrith

Please Note:  ”The Department of Defense (DoD) Safe Helpline is a groundbreaking crisis support service for members of the DoD community affected by sexual assault. Safe Helpline provides live, one-on-one advice, support, and information to the worldwide DoD community. The service is anonymous, secure, and available 24/7 — providing victims with the help they need, anytime, anywhere.” – RAINN

Coming Up Next: Part Two of this article will be based on “Private Practice” the February 2, 2012 Storyline in relation to James Landrith’s interview we did with him on his own personal survivor story.

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PAVE Moms Shattering The Silence

May 4, 2012 By Amanda 1 Comment

Talk, Share, Shatter the Silence…donate to PAVE and receive Moms Shattering The Silence, a multi-media tool kit for Moms to talk to kids about sexual abuse.

Tweet About It! #pavemoms

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO!




The rate of sexual abuse is extremely high – 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys before the age of 18 will be sexually assaulted. But it is SO silent and so hard for parents to talk to their kids about it!!
PAVE has developed a multi-media package for moms launching on MOTHERS DAY 2012 called “PAVE Moms Shattering The Silence”

Donate $25 to PAVE and receive this valuable multi-media kit for you and for the moms you honor, cherish and care about!

Talk, Share, Shatter the Silence…donate  below to PAVE and receive Moms Shattering The Silence, a multi-media tool kit for Moms to talk to kids about sexual abuse.

PAVE Moms Shattering the Silence

WE NEED YOU!

Please Help Us Get Out the Word…Tweet about it #pavemoms

MARY AMONS – Bravo’s Real Housewives of DC

DR. CHERYL ARUTT - Psychologist & Trauma Expert SEEN ON CNN, HLN, truTV AND FOX NEWS

DR. JENN BERMAN – Host of VH1′s Couples Therapy and The Love and Sex Show with Dr. Jenn on Sirius XM & Mother of Twins

DR. THEMA BRYANT-DAVIS – Licensed Psychologist, Poet, Dancer & Minister Seen on BET, PBS, Dr. Phil, ESSENCE Magazine

JENNER EVANS - Actress/model/comedian who has appeared on shows on E! and Lifetime

KIM GOLDMAN – Internationally Best-Selling Author, Speaker, Radio Host, Activist Seen on Oprah

DR. MICHELLE GOLLAND – National Relationship Expert and Psychologist Seen on CNN, Fox and Dr. Drew on CNN HLN

ANDREA METCALF – Best-selling Author Seen on NBC’s TODAY SHOW, Good Morning America and Oprah.com

ANGELICA PAGE - American Award Winning actress, Director, Producer and Screenwriter

MELISSA JUN ROWLEY – Award-Winning Journalist, On-Air Host, and Content Strategist

ROBIN SAX – Author & Legal Analyst seen on CNN, Fox, and The Today Show

LIZ SECCURO – Author, Speaker, Advocate seen on Dateline NBC, The Today Show, MSNBC

PAVE MEDIA MOMS AVAILABLE FOR INTERVIEW


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A Wonderful Resource for LGBTQ Survivors from WCSAP

May 1, 2012 By Amanda Leave a Comment

There are a lot of myths and misconceptions surrounding sexual violence in the LGBTQ community. The  fact is, the LGBTQ population faces the same forms of sexual violence that the rest of the population does. What’s more, sexual violence is often used as a hate crimes tactic to target the LGBTQ population. These communities also have a harder time reporting sexual violence due to increased barriers like homophobia and the fear of being outed. This is especially true of female identified same sex partners, who are often times not believed when reporting due to the common myth that women cannot be perpetrators of sexual violence.

Here are some helpful stats about sexual violence in the LGBTQ population. I found these statistics on RAINN’s Website (www.RAINN.org)  and from the wonderful publication that I describe below:

Stats:

  • Six percent of all anti-LGBT hate crimes are incidents of sexual assault or forcible rape.
  • More than half of gay men and lesbians report at least one incident of sexual coercion by a same-sex partner.
  • It is often thought that the larger, “butcher” partner will be the assailant in a same-sex assault; however, size or gender identity does not determine who the abusive partner is.
  • Bisexual, transgendered, lesbian, and gay people experience violence within their intimate relationships at about the same rates as heterosexuals (Waldner-Haugrud, 1997; AVP, 1992)
    • 30% of lesbians report having experienced sexual assault or rape by another woman (not necessarily an intimate partner) (Renzetti, 1992)
    • 15% of men living with a male intimate partner report being raped, assaulted or stalked by a male cohabitant (CDC, 1999)
  • LGBT individuals may experience abuse during their childhood. They may be abused by parents or others who are intolerant of homosexuality. They may be targeted for sexual abuse by adults that recognize their “difference.”
  • Over 11% of gay and lesbian youth report being physical attacked by family members (Hetrick-Martin Institute, 1988)
  • 42% of homeless youth, many of whom have run away from home to escape violence, self-­identify as gay/lesbian. (Victim Services, 1991) LGBT persons face additional challenges in healing from childhood sexual assault, due to myths that childhood sexual assault may have “caused” them to be gay.
  • A study of gay, lesbian and bisexual adults showed that 41% reported being a victim of a hate crime after the age of 16. (Herek, 1999) Sexual violence is more common among LGBT hate crimes, assailants may use rape to “punish” victims for what they view as their sexual transgressions.

Because of the particular barriers that the LGBTQ community faces when reporting or talking about their assault, the transition to survivorhood can be even more difficult. It is important that as a community we recognize this difficulty and provide education and resources for LGBTQ survivors and allies to help the healing process. While conducting research for some PAVE educational materials I stumbled upon this wonderful resource, Setting The Stage: Strategies for Supporting LGBTIQ survivors. that was published by the Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs that does just that! I encourage you as an individual, advocate, counselor, friend, survivor, social service agency, etc to read through this wonderful publication.

You can download a PDF of the WCSAP’s Setting The Stage: Strategies for Supporting LGBTIQ Survivors by clicking here. Please use this resources to support hte LGBTQ survivors in your life!

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My Stories: Marnie and IMPACT Personal Safety

April 25, 2012 By Amanda 2 Comments

“As a survivor of stranger rape, I never had an interest in taking a self-defense class.  I teach people that being aware of your surroundings is critical. We live in a world where women must be on high alert. We teach women to avoid certain places at specific times, buddy up, and be safe rather than sorry.  However we don’t have the physical tools to fight back.  While I wanted to have every tool available to protect myself, the possibility of learning something that could have changed the trajectory of my history made self defense feel like a place I did not belong -to learn what could have been seemed tragic.  It was for those who haven’t been attacked.

Having a strong sense that self-defense would be cathartic for me, my husband convinced me to attend his Arnis class. As I surveyed the room – six guys, an instructor and a red duffle bag filled with knives – I fled through the front door. I was terrified. This was not for me. I did not have one survivor friend who went to self defense as part of their healing. His instructor recommended IMPACT Personal Safety, a program for women that he had been involved with. I watched their videos online. I was impressed with the intensity and focus of the course. Good for them, I thought, but not good for me.

Then I read IMPACT’s mission: men and women dedicated to ending the cycle of violence, a goal of many anti-sexual assault organizations I work with.  More specifically the goals of IMPACT are ones that this activist should know. The mission of IMPACT Personal Safety is to end the cycle of violence in society by empowering women, children, and men with the self-esteem and the tools necessary to take control of their lives through self-defense, boundary setting and the understanding that your life is worth fighting for.

I reluctantly signed up for the eight weeks basics course.  At the first class, I met 13 other strong, smart women who had been attacked or feared it, along with four instructors – one instructor, two assists, and our male instructor – the mugger.  Three and a half hours later, I wished every woman knew what I had just learned.  I left feeling exhausted but forever changed. We were taught surprisingly simple but highly effective physical moves to protect ourselves in real life situations that we chose and fought out with our fully padded and protected male instructor. I watched my classmates elbow, strike, and kick their way out of every scenario. IMPACT is not just about learning how to fight but arming yourself with verbal skills to deescalate a situation – and if all else fails – we were prepared to fight.  These boundary setting skills crossover to the every day – from a difficult boss to a needy friend, IMPACT taught us to assess situations and apply the right tools.

Every week I felt a little wiser, a little stronger, a little safer.  This class was about protecting myself in the present, and adding these skills to my activist toolbox. I went from vehemently arguing why the class was not for me to encouraging every woman to take the basics class. If anything the class reinforced that I skillfully survived the attack.  For survivors, this is an empowering moment: taking the power back. You don’t need to practice it- it’s muscle memory. Instead of freezing, your body has been taught to fight back.

The class ends with graduation – a mighty send off with an opportunity to show friends and family what you’ve learned. My husband, friends, and even a client attended.  I watched thirteen strong women I met just eight weeks earlier confidently and instinctively handle every scenario they were confronted with.  We were also applauding each other’s transformations and successes, from walking fearlessly through a parking lot at night, to changing jobs, to feeling a whole lot safer.  How many things can you learn in eight classes will change you forever?  Self defense is not a mandatory class all children learn in school; we learn what we are taught by family or friends, and then when one becomes a victim of a crime, we blame. We blame ourselves, and criminals know this. So then, how could you not take this class?  You want to find the survivor in you? Want to kick that fear through a brick wall?  Invest in you and find peace, happiness and some serious strength with IMPACT Personal Safety.”

- Marnie Goodfriend

If you are interested in learning more about IMPACT Personal Safety’s programs and how you might use then as a part of your healing process, you can learn more on their website. I’m linking you straight to their chapter locator page so you can click the one in your area, as each location offers different services. Click here.

 

 

 

 

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